Joke of the Day

Post up your jokes. Here goes:

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car, neither one could hardly see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light!" After a few more minutes they came to another intersection, the light was red, and again they went right through. This time, the passenger was almost sure that the light had been red, but was also concerned that she might be seeing things. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through it. She turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us!" Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh My Gosh!! Am I driving!!?"


(I guess I could've said Claymore and Joecool were out for a drive...)

Here's another for your reading pleasure.

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching a street performer do some excellent juggling. The juggler notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he stands up on a large wooden box and calls out, "Can you all see me now?"

"Yes"
"Qui"
"Si"
"Ja"

"Hillary Clinton"

A Blonde is driving her convertible automobile, fails to pay attention, and creeps up over the speed limit.

She blows past a State Trooper, who also happens to be a Blonde Woman.

The Trooper pulls the Driver over and asks to see her Driver's License.  The Blonde Driver said that she forgot her purse at home.

The Trooper says, "Do you have any kind of Identification with you?"

The Driver says, "Yes, I have a picture of myself in the Glove Compartment".  She then pulls out a Make-Up Compact, opens it, sees herself in the mirror, and passes it to the Officer.

The Officer looks at, sighs, and says, "For Goodness Sake!  Why didn't you tell me that you're a State Trooper?"

Well did you hear about the blonde that got fired from the M&M factory? Apparently she was throwing away all the ones that had been printed with W's on them....

joecool wrote:"Hillary Clinton"

Now if you want to start a thread about horror story of the day, you can post stuff like that!

After NASA started sending astronauts into space, they discovered that standard ball-point pens were useless up there. So they spent years and billions of dollars to perfect a pen that could work in zero gravity, upside down, and in temperatures below freezing and above boiling.

The Russians gave their cosmonauts a pencil.

joecool wrote:After NASA started sending astronauts into space, they discovered that standard ball-point pens were useless up there. So they spent years and billions of dollars to perfect a pen that could work in zero gravity, upside down, and in temperatures below freezing and above boiling.

The Russians gave their cosmonauts a pencil.

True Story!

The discovery of the Rosetta Stone by Napoleon Bonaparte's officers enabled scholars to translate ancient languages. A recently-unearthed clay tablet is believed to be an account of the world's first astronomer. From the tablet..."I was up all night wondering where the sun had gone. Then it dawned on me."

One day, God was walking through the garden with Adam and He said, "Adam, you look very lonely. I know! I'll give you the perfect woman. But, it will cost you an arm and a leg."

Adam thought about it and asked "What can I get for a rib?" And the rest is history.

Now where's Christi when we need her....?

What's the difference between a quantum mechanic and an auto mechanic?

The quantum mechanic can get in without opening the hood.

joecool wrote:What's the difference between a quantum mechanic and an auto mechanic?

The quantum mechanic can get in without opening the hood.

Quantum mechanic can be both outside and inside the hood at once.

RRCmdrBennett wrote: Quantum mechanic can be both outside and inside the hood at once.

I'm impressed. Did you get it from this :study: or this

joecool wrote:

RRCmdrBennett wrote: Quantum mechanic can be both outside and inside the hood at once.

I'm impressed. Did you get it from this  :study:  or this    

From :study: I've always had an interest in science which is why I like sci-fi entertainment. If you want serious science you go to trek you want more action you go to sw.

A Blonde called United Airlines : "Could you tell me how long it takes to Fly from New York City to Los Angeles." The agent replies "Just a minute" ---The Blonde replies "Thank You." and hangs up.

Blonde jokes the only color jokes a white man can make without being tarred and feathered. 



Can anyone see the comedy in this?

I love it!!

A young mother was out for a walk carrying her baby when a man looked at the child and said, "Oh my, that's the ugliest child I've ever seen". The mother burst into tears. A caring older woman stopped to comfort her and asked what was wrong. "That man was very rude!" she exclaimed pointing. "Well" said the older woman, "You just go and give him a piece of your mind, and I'll hold your monkey for you".

A young Marine entered into a Catholic confessional and said, "Bless me father for I have sinned. Last night I beat the ever-living crap out of a flag burning, cop hating, Obama loving protester"
The priest replied, "My son, I am here to forgive your sins, not discuss your community service"

Those jokes were good the first time I read them. Now on my 4 5 time I am still laughing. GRIN!

Thanks for the laughs again and again.

Mark (forgets much and often) Jones