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Joke of the Day

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Joke of the Day

Post by Phillip Gross on November 12th 2015, 11:28 pm

Post up your jokes. Here goes:

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car, neither one could hardly see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light!" After a few more minutes they came to another intersection, the light was red, and again they went right through. This time, the passenger was almost sure that the light had been red, but was also concerned that she might be seeing things. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through it. She turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us!" Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh My Gosh!! Am I driving!!?"


(I guess I could've said Claymore and Joecool were out for a drive...) Laughing
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Phillip Gross on November 12th 2015, 11:35 pm

Here's another for your reading pleasure.

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching a street performer do some excellent juggling. The juggler notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he stands up on a large wooden box and calls out, "Can you all see me now?"

"Yes"
"Qui"
"Si"
"Ja"
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by joecool on November 12th 2015, 11:53 pm

"Hillary Clinton"

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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Claymore on November 13th 2015, 12:09 am

A Blonde is driving her convertible automobile, fails to pay attention, and creeps up over the speed limit.

She blows past a State Trooper, who also happens to be a Blonde Woman.

The Trooper pulls the Driver over and asks to see her Driver's License.  The Blonde Driver said that she forgot her purse at home.

The Trooper says, "Do you have any kind of Identification with you?"

The Driver says, "Yes, I have a picture of myself in the Glove Compartment".  She then pulls out a Make-Up Compact, opens it, sees herself in the mirror, and passes it to the Officer.

The Officer looks at, sighs, and says, "For Goodness Sake!  Why didn't you tell me that you're a State Trooper?"

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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Phillip Gross on November 13th 2015, 6:52 am

Well did you hear about the blonde that got fired from the M&M factory? Apparently she was throwing away all the ones that had been printed with W's on them....
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Phillip Gross on November 13th 2015, 6:55 am

joecool wrote:"Hillary Clinton"

Now if you want to start a thread about horror story of the day, you can post stuff like that!
Laughing

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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by RRCmdrBennett on November 13th 2015, 10:05 am


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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by joecool on November 14th 2015, 4:44 pm

After NASA started sending astronauts into space, they discovered that standard ball-point pens were useless up there. So they spent years and billions of dollars to perfect a pen that could work in zero gravity, upside down, and in temperatures below freezing and above boiling.

The Russians gave their cosmonauts a pencil.

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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Claymore on November 14th 2015, 6:13 pm

joecool wrote:After NASA started sending astronauts into space, they discovered that standard ball-point pens were useless up there. So they spent years and billions of dollars to perfect a pen that could work in zero gravity, upside down, and in temperatures below freezing and above boiling.

The Russians gave their cosmonauts a pencil.

True Story!

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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by joecool on November 14th 2015, 11:09 pm

The discovery of the Rosetta Stone by Napoleon Bonaparte's officers enabled scholars to translate ancient languages. A recently-unearthed clay tablet is believed to be an account of the world's first astronomer. From the tablet..."I was up all night wondering where the sun had gone. Then it dawned on me."

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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by RRCmdrBennett on November 15th 2015, 7:08 pm


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N Central Area Communications Coord, CI
RR Outpost #215, Ohio District :flag:
RR GMA #83 Potomac Dist-#2366 Nat'l

"Be Ready, It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark."

fire FCF Frontiersman 9/91, Buckskin ?, Wilderness ? fire
Bourgeois Trapper 5/06, Free Trapper ?
Training Seminars/Camps:
LTC LMA 5/94, Ranger Basics 1/05, LTA LMA 5/05, NTC IL 5/09, WCO 10/09, ICS 4/10, RKTC 7/10, Ranger Essentials 8/10, NRMC 10/11, Training Academy? NEEC? JBIE?
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LMA-Advanced 10/11, MoE 2012-092

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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by joecool on November 16th 2015, 9:29 pm

One day, God was walking through the garden with Adam and He said, "Adam, you look very lonely. I know! I'll give you the perfect woman. But, it will cost you an arm and a leg."

Adam thought about it and asked "What can I get for a rib?" And the rest is history.

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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Phillip Gross on November 16th 2015, 10:54 pm

Now where's Christi when we need her....? Laughing
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by joecool on November 17th 2015, 2:54 pm

What's the difference between a quantum mechanic and an auto mechanic?

The quantum mechanic can get in without opening the hood.

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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by RRCmdrBennett on November 17th 2015, 6:22 pm

joecool wrote:What's the difference between a quantum mechanic and an auto mechanic?

The quantum mechanic can get in without opening the hood.

Quantum mechanic can be both outside and inside the hood at once.

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RR Outpost #215, Ohio District :flag:
RR GMA #83 Potomac Dist-#2366 Nat'l

"Be Ready, It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark."

fire FCF Frontiersman 9/91, Buckskin ?, Wilderness ? fire
Bourgeois Trapper 5/06, Free Trapper ?
Training Seminars/Camps:
LTC LMA 5/94, Ranger Basics 1/05, LTA LMA 5/05, NTC IL 5/09, WCO 10/09, ICS 4/10, RKTC 7/10, Ranger Essentials 8/10, NRMC 10/11, Training Academy? NEEC? JBIE?
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LMA-Advanced 10/11, MoE 2012-092

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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by joecool on November 17th 2015, 6:46 pm

RRCmdrBennett wrote: Quantum mechanic can be both outside and inside the hood at once.

I'm impressed. Did you get it from this :study: or this Star wars

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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by RRCmdrBennett on November 18th 2015, 2:01 pm

joecool wrote:
RRCmdrBennett wrote: Quantum mechanic can be both outside and inside the hood at once.

I'm impressed. Did you get it from this  :study:  or this  Star wars  

From :study: I've always had an interest in science which is why I like sci-fi entertainment. If you want serious science you go to trek you want more action you go to sw.

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RR Outpost #215, Ohio District :flag:
RR GMA #83 Potomac Dist-#2366 Nat'l

"Be Ready, It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark."

fire FCF Frontiersman 9/91, Buckskin ?, Wilderness ? fire
Bourgeois Trapper 5/06, Free Trapper ?
Training Seminars/Camps:
LTC LMA 5/94, Ranger Basics 1/05, LTA LMA 5/05, NTC IL 5/09, WCO 10/09, ICS 4/10, RKTC 7/10, Ranger Essentials 8/10, NRMC 10/11, Training Academy? NEEC? JBIE?
Outpost Leader Advancement Levels:
LMA-Advanced 10/11, MoE 2012-092

RR v1.99

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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Phillip Gross on December 2nd 2015, 6:49 am

A Blonde called United Airlines : "Could you tell me how long it takes to Fly from New York City to Los Angeles." The agent replies "Just a minute" ---The Blonde replies "Thank You." and hangs up.
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by RRCmdrBennett on December 8th 2015, 12:30 am

Blonde jokes the only color jokes a white man can make without being tarred and feathered. 



Can anyone see the comedy in this?

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Dan Bennett
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RR Outpost #215, Ohio District :flag:
RR GMA #83 Potomac Dist-#2366 Nat'l

"Be Ready, It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark."

fire FCF Frontiersman 9/91, Buckskin ?, Wilderness ? fire
Bourgeois Trapper 5/06, Free Trapper ?
Training Seminars/Camps:
LTC LMA 5/94, Ranger Basics 1/05, LTA LMA 5/05, NTC IL 5/09, WCO 10/09, ICS 4/10, RKTC 7/10, Ranger Essentials 8/10, NRMC 10/11, Training Academy? NEEC? JBIE?
Outpost Leader Advancement Levels:
LMA-Advanced 10/11, MoE 2012-092

RR v1.99

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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Phillip Gross on December 8th 2015, 12:44 am

Laughing I love it!!
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Phillip Gross on December 16th 2015, 9:49 pm

A young mother was out for a walk carrying her baby when a man looked at the child and said, "Oh my, that's the ugliest child I've ever seen". The mother burst into tears. A caring older woman stopped to comfort her and asked what was wrong. "That man was very rude!" she exclaimed pointing. "Well" said the older woman, "You just go and give him a piece of your mind, and I'll hold your monkey for you".
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by RRCmdrBennett on December 19th 2015, 12:43 am


_________________
Dan Bennett
Sr Commander
N Central Area Communications Coord, CI
RR Outpost #215, Ohio District :flag:
RR GMA #83 Potomac Dist-#2366 Nat'l

"Be Ready, It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark."

fire FCF Frontiersman 9/91, Buckskin ?, Wilderness ? fire
Bourgeois Trapper 5/06, Free Trapper ?
Training Seminars/Camps:
LTC LMA 5/94, Ranger Basics 1/05, LTA LMA 5/05, NTC IL 5/09, WCO 10/09, ICS 4/10, RKTC 7/10, Ranger Essentials 8/10, NRMC 10/11, Training Academy? NEEC? JBIE?
Outpost Leader Advancement Levels:
LMA-Advanced 10/11, MoE 2012-092

RR v1.99

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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Phillip Gross on May 25th 2016, 12:25 pm

A young Marine entered into a Catholic confessional and said, "Bless me father for I have sinned. Last night I beat the ever-living crap out of a flag burning, cop hating, Obama loving protester"
The priest replied, "My son, I am here to forgive your sins, not discuss your community service"
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Claymore on May 25th 2016, 2:43 pm

LOL

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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Mark Jones on May 25th 2016, 5:08 pm

Those jokes were good the first time I read them. Now on my 4 5 time I am still laughing. GRIN!

Thanks for the laughs again and again.

Mark (forgets much and often) Jones
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Re: Joke of the Day

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